Friday

Unanswered Prayers

Between Lamb & Bear, there was a lost baby. A baby that was lost 12 years ago today. At the time, it was the worst thing that had happened to me. My pregnancy with Lamb was perfect. I truly thought this pregnancy would be too. My life was going pretty great. We had just gotten back from taking Lamb to Disney for her 1st time. I always joke that Disney truly is magic & the happiest place on Earth as every time we went, I became pregnant soon after returning home.

I figured the baby was gone when my ob/gyn called me at home from his home. He had been out of town so I was in contact with his emergency on call dr. He wanted to let me know that he wanted to be the one to do the ultrasound. So, if I would wait an extra day, he'd open his office early & see us. Yeah, that pretty much let me know he wasn't expecting good news.

So we cried & mourned. I had guilt. The night before, I had taken Lamb for a walk & had over exerted myself. I was whooped & wasn't even halfway home yet. Of course, I know it wasn't my fault but I still felt it was.

A few months later, I became pregnant with Bear (without a trip to Disney). We weren't as excited. We kept it quiet. When I passed the first trimester, we finally told everyone.

I was twelve weeks pregnant when my mom & I were in a car accident. No lie, a beaver caused it. He was crossing the interstate & was HUGE. My mom had to stop the car because she was afraid to hit it. A man not paying attention rear-ended us which is how my tail bone broke. We were fine, minus my tail bone, but my mom was panicked because I was pregnant. She told the cop to send for an ambulance. Oh my.

This was around the time the lost baby would have been due. At the hospital, the nurse warned me that since I was only 12 weeks, the chance of hearing the baby's heartbeat was slim. However, the moment she put the doppler thingy on my belly, a strong, loud heartbeat filled the quiet room. I knew then that this baby would be born. I had absolutely no doubt in my mind. My heart was filled with this "birthday" gift from God. My only unhappiness was due to Big D not being with me.

So while I prayed and prayed for that lost baby to be born, I am now filled with peace & happiness. How could this world not have Bear in it? Just like Lamb, Bear was meant for us to raise & love. And love we do.

15 comments:

Bubba's Sis said...

The workings of God are mysterious, and sometimes heartbreaking. But He is all-knowing and He is good. Yes, this world just wouldn't be the same without Bear in it! I'm so happy he is here!

I lost a baby with my first husband. At the time I was in grief, but looking back I know it would have been a terrible thing to have a baby with him. I can see the answer to my "Why?" and yours isn't as clear, but someday we can ask Him face to face the reasons for all the things we don't understand!

I'm thinking about you today, sweetie. Love you.

Amy-littletoesandcheerios said...

Only God knows why these things happen. Your life seems full and blessed now though.
I have a friend that had tried for years to get pregnant with her second child, when they stopped trying years later at 39 she did and just lost it a few weeks ago. She had a bad feeling from the start about it.

You made me cry..and then laugh about the beaver!

Jenny 865-53oh9 said...

Ohhhhh...you got me on this one. Big 'ol lump in my throat. Geez, D. I'm so sorry you had to go through it but you definitely were blessed with Bear, huh? Peace is a wonderful thing to have. As always...you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Oh yea, and ROFL myself silly on the beaver thing!

Stacey said...

D I've got goosebumps right now....I cannot even imagine how you felt at the hospital waiting to hear Bear's beautiful heartbeat. Oh my goodness you wrote this so well, I was holding my breath to the end. We don't know the whys down here, I don't think we can, but we do know the road to there is a bittersweet one. xoxoxoxo

Tales From the Eurovan said...

What a beautiful story! Sometimes I wish I could see the end of the story of my life first. (I'm bad about that with books unfortunately I'm known to sneak a peek at the last page!) What a sweet unexpected gift was your little boy.
Take care,
Julie

Mrs. G. said...

How beautiful and sweet that you are grateful. I'm happy Bear is in the world too.

forgetfulone said...

They say there's a reason for everything. We don't always know what the reason is.

You have two beautiful children, and you are obviously grateful for that. I'd have liked another child, but it wasn't in God's plan, and I lost at least three (that I know of).

This was a great story.

Tootie said...

A sad story, but well written. Lucky beaver! :-)

jenny said...

This is something else we have in common. I also lost a baby between my children. Only two months later, our daughter was concieved. And I, too, can't imagine not having this child in our lives. I think this is just how it's been for all the ages---babies have been given and taken away withiout our knowing why, but it all fits in with God's plan somehow.

And did I already talk about this---i had a wreck when I was pregnant with my first one. I had a concussion, and didn't know I was pregnant when I got to the hospital. This after trying to get pregnant for 15 months. And they told me that I would probably lose the baby after such a trauma. My car was clipped and I ended up upside down on a bridge in Fort Worth, hanging from my seatbelt.

Both those stories make me emphasize to my kids that they are here for a reason---God's reasons---and they need to pay attention to life and find their purpose.

Thanks for your visit today!

jenny said...

This is something else we have in common. I also lost a baby between my children. Only two months later, our daughter was concieved. And I, too, can't imagine not having this child in our lives. I think this is just how it's been for all the ages---babies have been given and taken away withiout our knowing why, but it all fits in with God's plan somehow.

And did I already talk about this---i had a wreck when I was pregnant with my first one. I had a concussion, and didn't know I was pregnant when I got to the hospital. This after trying to get pregnant for 15 months. And they told me that I would probably lose the baby after such a trauma. My car was clipped and I ended up upside down on a bridge in Fort Worth, hanging from my seatbelt.

Both those stories make me emphasize to my kids that they are here for a reason---God's reasons---and they need to pay attention to life and find their purpose.

Thanks for your visit today!

Happy Mommy said...

It is amazing how God can work out even really bad situations for his glory! I am glad you were blessed with your lamb and bear!

Misty Dawn said...

"How could this world not have Bear in it?" What a perfect statement - that boy is fantastic!

Gretchen said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I lost three precious ones before they had a chance to be born. I still grieve for each of them. When I got pregnant with T, the doc had put me on that "100% guaranteed" birth control shot because my body couldn't take another loss. Well, two months later, T was on the way and he's got a genius IQ. Some things are just meant to be.

Patois said...

We really don't understand the "whys" of lots of events in our lives. This is a beautiful story. I'm sorry for your loss. I'm happy for your life having Bear.

Jamie Dawn said...

:-)