Sex and the School
I consider myself a lax parent. I don't hound them to do things, I allow them to talk to me about whatever, & they have watched PG-13 movies for quite awhile now. There are certain things I'm strict on, but, for the most part, I use things as teachable moments. For instance, if Lamb came to me in high school wanting to have a party serving alcohol. I'd nix it, strongly. If she came to me wanting purple hair, I'd probably allow it. After all, that is temporary and small on the rebellion scale. I understand her need to feel different.
With that said, there are times that parents amaze me. In the 4th grade class I'm in, there is a beautiful blond girl. She is quite the ditz and I worry about her tremendously. Before Spring Break, her hair had a brassy tint to it. I wish I could say I was surprised when she told me that she wanted highlights so her mom gave them to her. And messed up her hair which was gorgeous to begin with. She returned to school after Spring Break with processed Blond with a capital B highlights. Her mom took her to the salon to fix the brassy look. Her mom also takes her quite a bit to have nail tips put on her fingernails. And the girl often has temporary lower back tattoos. Call me a prude, but I just find the placement too provocative for a 9/10 year old girl. A girl who has more sense in her pinky than she does in her head. A girl who can be easily swayed to do the wrong thing.
What is our society teaching girls? Why would a lot of parents rather be a friend than a parent? My youngest brother & I were talking the other day. According to him (and he admits that he's out of the loop now that he's out of high school), the girls he went to school with were all about being provocative. The hair, the make-up, the clothes, all with the intention of turning a boy's head. The Vanessa Hudgens scandal is commonplace in the high school world. Our society is all about sex. The sexy perfume & clothing ads, the talk of it even on "family" shows which are pretty rare now, and I've read some pretty racy teen lit books. It's everywhere. I realize this and while I do try & shield the kids some, it's impossible anymore to completely shield them.
So what happens to the kids who don't have parents who use those moments to teach them morals? Or what happens to the kids who do have those parents, yet don't really care about what's being said? What's going to happen to this 4th grade girl as she gets older? She's already attracted some inappropriate attention.
In the news, there have been 2 local stories about 8th graders (Lamb's age) giving birth in secret. One was a miscarriage and the other was a full-term baby. Both are completely tragic & heartbreaking stories. I pray that I don't read about my little 4th grader one day.
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8 comments:
Our troubled minds are thinking alike this weekend - I did a similar post on my blog. The whole state of society today is scary and sad. These girls are way too young to be doing what they are doing, feeling what they are feeling. Fourth graders should still be playing with Barbies! Not highlighting their hair and putting temp tattoos on their lower backs (someone had to help her do that - that's an awkward place to put a tattoo on yourself). We are blessed with our children, D - blessed that they don't feel the need to be sexy. At least not yet.
My husband has ALWAYS said that the problem is the parents wants to be the best friend of the child, rather than the parent. There IS a way to be a parent and a friend, but being a parent must be the priority.
Hubs used to tell his son, "I am not going to strive to make sure that you 'like' me right now. I am going to strive to be a good father and teach you how to be a good person, and, sometimes, that will cause you to not like me so much, but in the end, you will appreciate it."
I hear you, loud and clear. I think you don't have to worry about your two kids ....
By the way, loved your Photo Hunt shot too!!
misty that is a great sayin your husband has there. i know to many mothers out there who want to be friends with their kids.(sorry do not know to many father who want to be friends just fathers who are not paaying attention) thye wonder what is wrong with our society.
Oh D this brings back the memories--and my daughter was the one who didn't have the nails and the hair and who didn't wear a slinky dress and heels to the 7th and 8th grade dances. And.......sadly she was ridiculed to no end. I thought I was doing the right thing (I know I did, it's just so hard) and Niki just wasn't strong enough to shoulder the teasing. That's another aspect of the result, just as tragic, as you know. What is the answer? Idk. Honestly, if I could go back and do it again, I'd have homeschooled her as well. It would have built her armour stronger until she could endure the teasing. Thanks for the post, D. xoxo
PS--did you get some sun like BS, too? I'm a wee bit jealous, but I did walk. For an hour! And I hurt.
Yeah, it's mind-boggling and there is no good answer. A few years ago I was blown away by a friend's son who had just started 9th grade and was caught going to 9th grade or*gy parties. A whole room full of them doing things to each other and thinking it was fun. It was nauseating.
OMG, Jenny! That's yukky! And shocking!
Oh Jen, that is so disturbing.
David, I pray you are right.
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